I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize