I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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