Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
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Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
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You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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