The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
4 words: hood of his car
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
