Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
