am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize