fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
