Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
