I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
