The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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