Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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