there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
