how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
