We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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