I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
