Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
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The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
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But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me