I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.