some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.