There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..