he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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