lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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