Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
