Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize
