Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
