I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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