Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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