Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My breasts were aching with rage.
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I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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