Apparently you make a good broom.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
