I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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