If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
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Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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