she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
