I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
