is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
