so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
