Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
