It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
