Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
