You just made me feel so damn special
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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