Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
