If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
