Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
