It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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