I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
