I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
