I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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