That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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