at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Randomize
