He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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