He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
