Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
