How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
