I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
