Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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