I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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