I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
