I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize