Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
