I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
