so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
