i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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