I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
