I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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