Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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