I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
