I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm both gender and math confused
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
