My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
