Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
