My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
